Update 37
Chickenpox and Grapefruits
Just like a real writer I have sat down in front of the
computer looking for inspiration for this latest blog. Let’s see how fast I can
pick up the pace. I’ll begin with my accident at Fenchurch Street station when I
gouged a nice slice out of my right shin whilst exploring the effects of
gravity on the human body. I fell down a wet flight of steps.
Fifteen weeks later my wound is still there. Red, sloughy
and larger than when I first fell down the stairs, it refuses to heal and has
to be dressed at my GPs twice weekly.I have had eight goes at various
antibiotics, two x-rays and a close encounter with one of the two things that
can cause death (so I’m told). Take your pick from the two offerings above. One
is more likely to occur than the other, and one is a controlled substance
managed by Sainsburys. The xrays were to check that my infection hadn’t passed
to the bone which would make it a bad day. So there I am sitting in near
isolation in A&E because of my immune system problems, dozing of course and
I overhear a nurse advising a mother with her young daughter, to go and sit
next to ‘that man because chickenpox is contagious’. BLOODY HELL! there are only
two things that can make me seriously ill, you’ve got it, CHICKENPOX and
believe it or not GRAPEFRUITS. Through my slumber I managed to convey my predicament to the nurse about my severe intolerances and that it could kill me if I caught
the chickenpox bug. Kind of dramatic I know, but I was half asleep at the time. Death was
averted on this occasion!
I am naturally on
first name terms with the three nurses who are still amazed at the fact that
they can probe into my wound, below my sloughy mess to my shin bone without discomfort...well,
they’re comfortable doing it but it hurts me like hell! To be honest they are
very attentive and professional, and it has only been fifteen weeks
since I injured myself. That to me means the cancer drugs are working because
they are doing an excellent job in stopping any cell from entering the recovery
process. If it is that powerful, bring it on. I have photos of various phases
of ‘recovery’...but they might freak you somewhat. Slough by the way, is the
yellow gooey stuff.
Seeing as we have stumbled into health issues I received
yet another tablet a few days ago. More of that later.
Now, whenever I see a new Doctor at the Marsden (they only
last 3 months), I am greeted by the inevitable
adolescent in possession of a medical degree holding an ever increasing sized manila
folder with my name on and which rarely gets opened in my presence, but outwardly shows a degree of
personal professionalism. It is getting to a size that a porter will soon be
required to cart it around. The doctors greeting,
‘How are you?’ can be mistaken
for ‘How are you?’, which could be a
social greeting or a medical enquiry. I so like to ask which was intended to break the ice, I
use it time and time again with a new audience every few weeks. Pathetic I know.
I’m only recycling after all...isn’t that socially responsible not to waste a
good quip?
Digress time!! Well, you knew you were going to get it!
I’m now sitting here in an orange overall I last wore 35
years ago. It bears testimony to my various painting and car mechanic
adventures from my very own adolescent,
spotty youth. The red paint adorning my right midriff is somewhat concerning as
it marks my incision to remove my kidney but that would be stretching
coincidence a little too far. Perhaps it is the paint from my wardrobe doors? The
white would be the ceiling, the brown being an ill conceived early seventies
attempt at being cool, the grey patches of oil from my first cars’ early
mechanical trials (yes kids, we could do our own mechanics getting our hands
dirty). The elasticated waist
(thankfully) orange overalls themselves have a story to tell coming as they did
from a petro-chemical Supertanker. Other
sets of green overalls tell similar stories from parachuting to MoD trials.
Retired from active service they now serve other memories and are a powerful
testament of time... and body weight! Oh, the reason for the fancy clothing is
that I’m painting the front of the house. Today however it is windier and colder than
my virgin white legs can stand whilst wearing shorts. When I did
venture outside to my local hardware shop yesterday, adorned in said shorts I was complemented on my hardiness
by the lady servers. Embracing all complements from the
obvious hard of sight, I had to come clean...I was simply too fat for my normal decorating
trousers and had no choice but to embrace the draughts up the Trossachs. Having
said all that, I can’t avoid the evil decorating deed any longer. Onward we
must go...well, after a cup of tea of course!
Still digressing. After my last blog on the repeating
occurrence of ‘2’ in my life I now have type 2
diabetes. Its presence is nothing more than another side effect of my medicinal cocktail. Nothing to
do with my diet or lifestyle, just another drug induced pain in the butt. No
needles are involved thankfully. I have
to take so many different drugs I constructed a spreadsheet of them all. Twelve
tablets in total are recorded along with dosages, time of day to take and side
effects from the last month (the whinge list).
I give the sheet to my child prodigy Marsden Drs to evade the inevitable
question ‘remind me Mr Copley, ( have encouraged them to use my title to no
avail, not even a Sir) what drugs are you on? They may be excellent doctors but their admin is
awful. Yes I know I have far too much time on my hands...the ironing can however
can still wait!
Damn! I finished the
painting early...I’ll put some rubbish on the TV that doesn’t require sound or
attention i.e. some Border Control fly-on-the-wall
with Asian old people smuggling in live
crabs, seeds and assorted fruit. Info: Did you know that bound and gagged crabs
are stored like Lego bricks in a fridge? No, be reasonable, they weren’t trying
to smuggle in a fridge. It would be far too heavy and the power lead much too
short!
Ironing here we come... hisssss!
Subjects not covered this month:
- Do the Americans ‘seed’ the air to make contrails (aircraft vapour trails) with mind controlling drugs? Lucius and Orville from Alabama believe so. Sorry pilot people...it’s nuts, but a conspiracy theory is always fun.
- Details of the fancy dress which directed me to the Muppets and the Swedish Chef. I made all of that fancy dress stuff! I’m sooo proud of myself... ‘hoodie, boodie um tum tum...’.
Click: Ctrl and Enter or cut and paste into your browser for
my Muppet inspiration:
Is that enough for you all? This Blog is just over my
thousand words limit tolerance...
and evidently yours!
‘ Ordy puperdy dorm’
Richard
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